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aloneindarknes7Title: Decisions of the Heart
Author: Jordan Herbert
Warnings: None
Pairing: LeoDon, RaphDon, LeoDonRaph
Fandom: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Rating: So Nc-17
Word Count: 8,630
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and that makes me sad sometimes until I realize I can still write using them. Yay!
Author's Note: This was supposed to be a fic about half of this size. I swear it was small this morning. I could cut out some of the sex scenes, but phsh, yeah right.
Donatello was considered the gentle brother of the four teenage mutant ninja turtles he called his family. He was the sweet one, the one who never wanted to cause trouble, the one who was always trying to help, the one always confident in his inventions. It wasn’t all true though. And he wished that his brothers would see that. Especially Leonardo.
He had been dating Leo openly for over a year and yet he felt like his boyfriend didn’t understand him at all. On their one year anniversary, Leo had slipped into his bedroom, for the first night ever. And they snuggled.
That was it.
It was nice, but Don was pretty tired of still jerking himself off every day. He was a seventeen year old with a boyfriend that lived with him. What was the point of having a boyfriend if you still weren’t getting any? What was Leo trying to save for anyway? It wasn’t like Donnie had the option of dumping Leo and dating someone else. That would just be too weird.
Yet here they were, it was another ‘date night’ between him and Leo. Meaning they were sitting on the couch together watching a movie during their weekly ritual. Every now and again Leo would catch his eye, smile, and maybe, just maybe, bump his leg against Donnie’s.
Then the rolling credits would end, Leo would lean over, kiss Donnie, wish him pleasant dreams, and head off to his own room. Once, only once, Don had taken the initiative and tried to follow Leo to his room after.
“What are you doing?” Leo had asked when they had reached his door. Don stared at Leo and really wished that his brother’s curious expression would go away and Leo would just magically understand that Donnie wanted sex. Why did Leo have to make it seem so much more awkward than it had to be?
“Just,” Don had gulped and shifted his feet. “Just wanted to tell you that I love you, Leo,” Don had smiled then, feeling like an idiot.
Leo had smiled right back and had said, “Me too, Don. Pleasant dreams,” Then he went to bed.
That was another thing that Don hated. Leo never actually said he loved him. Don always had to say it first and then Leo would only reply that he did as well. It really bothered Donatello. He kept wondering if Leo really did love him. Don just wished that Leo would reassure him one day and they could do more than just an innocent peck on the beaks or a slight touch. He got more affection out of Mikey and he wasn’t dating him.
Don was actually starting to loathe date nights. It was a rut; the same date every single time for fifty nine times so far. The only thing difference was the movie they watched and Don had stopped paying attention ever since his mind started wondering why Leo didn’t prove that he loved Don.
The credits seemed to appear too fast and Don hadn’t even noticed the kiss until Leo pulled away from him. “Well,” Leo stood before him, stretching his arm, which was still a little sore from sparring with Raph earlier in the day. “Goodnight, Donnie, pleasant dreams.”
“I love you, Leo,” Don blurted out.
Leo smiled. “Me too, Don.” He stared at his brother for a moment. “You know that, right?” He asked.
“Yeah,” he just wished that Leo would say it for once. He sighed as he watched Leo’s door close. Closing his eyes, Don leaned back on the couch and held in the urge to scream.
“You ain’t feelin’ the love tonight.” Raph’s voice broke the silence of the lair and Don cracked open an eye to glare at him.
“I have never felt the love,” Don spat, “Not one single night,” He stated. Don wasn’t sure why he shared that private information, especially with Raphael. His brother tended to use personal information for his own good. Like the time he found out Mikey still slept with a nightlight. He stole the tiny light bulb and bartered away his chores in return.
“Yer shittin’ me,” Raph’s eyes widened. “You and Leo have been going out for, what, a year now?”
“Fifty nine weeks,” Don corrected.
“Right, and yet you two are still virgins? What the fuck are you waiting for? Yer wedding night?” Raph asked as he sat down next to Don.
“I’m not waiting for anything!” Don shouted and then instantly hushed himself. “Leo doesn’t seem to understand the concept of being a boyfriend and how it means that I want more than one kiss a night and simple gestures.”
Raph was silent for a moment until his eyes narrowed. “You haven’t even gotten tongue have ya?”
Don sighed and shook his head. “We snuggled on our anniversary night; that’s it. He leaped right over hand holding for that.” Don cradled his head in his hands as he rested his elbows on his knees. “How can I tell Leo that I want more?”
“You tell him you want more. Or, ya know, just take more. Next time we’re in the sewers, grab his hand and get that hand holdin’ experience done with. Next time you two kiss, add yer tongue. Next date, rub yer hands down his thighs then grab his tail.” Raph grabbed the remote and started channel surfing. “Leo’s not as smart as you, Donnie, he can’t figure out if you want more or not so ya have to tell him or change it fer yourself.”
It was good advice. Don decided to take it.
But it didn’t work out like Don had hoped it would.
The next day, when the four headed out on patrol, Don grabbed Leo’s hand in the sewer. Leo’s free hand flew up to the hilt of his sword and he stared at Don expectantly. Don frowned and released his hand without any explanation, ignoring Leo’s confused looks for the rest of the night.
A few days later, when Leo was giving Don his goodnight kiss, Don wrapped his arms around Leo’s neck to try and deepen the kiss. It might have worked if Mikey hadn’t chosen that time to come out of his room for a snack.
Leo pulled away from Don and looked at Mikey as he licked his lips. “Goodnight, Don.” He stated, firmly, and then headed for his room.
Don didn’t try anything on date night. There wasn’t any reason to. He got his one kiss and watched as Leo left him alone again. This time, Don went to Raph’s room. He knocked on Raph’s door and waited until the hothead opened it.
“Sup, Don,” Raph had a towel wrapped around his neck and his bandana was off. He looked Don up and down then smiled. “Want more brotherly advice, eh?”
Don nodded and strode into the room when Raph stepped aside. He sat in Raph’s hammock as Raph straddled his workout bench. “I tried to hold his hand and he thought I was trying to get his attention for something. I tried to deepen the kiss and he got embarrassed and practically ran from me. As if everyone we knew didn’t know we were going out. I’m sick of it! Do I seriously have to spell it out for him? I mean, why is he so content with this? It’s just,” he sighed and rubbed at his temples. “It’s just so frustrating.”
Raph chuckled and shook his head. “Fearless ain’t as bright as you, remember, but he’s not even considered smart in the relationship department area either. Yeah, Don, ya’ve got ta spell it out for him.”
“I know,” Don growled in frustration and rubbed at his temples as he leaned back into Raph’s hammock. “Why is this so difficult?”
“Because it’s a relationship,” Raph pointed out matter-of-factly. “No one said it was gonna be a skip through the park.”
“It should be,” Don sighed. “Isn’t the whole point of a relationship to be with someone that knows you so well that you don’t have these sort of problems?”
“Hey, yer the one who chose Fearless,” Raph pointed out. “You should have known what you were getting yerself involved with.”
Don grunted as a reply. “Maybe next week I should pick a porno for our movie. He might get the message a bit.” Raph laughed.
“Or he’ll totally crawl into his shell and then you’ll never get laid.” Raph suggested and Don groaned again.
“At this rate, you and Mikey will loose your virginities before Leo and I even hit first base.” Don sighed as he threw an arm over his eyes.
“Tough news, Donnie boy, but I ain’t no virgin.” Raph admitted, grinning when Don sat up and stared at him.
“What? With who?” Don asked.
“No way,” Raph shook his head with a grin. “I’m not the type of guy ta kiss and tell. And we did a lot more than kissing if ya know what I mean.” His grin widened.
Don frowned, “No wonder you’re so good about this relationship stuff. You’re actually having a successful one.”
Raph shrugged. “I wouldn’t say that. It was more of a one night stand thing, ya know?”
“We really don’t know that many people,” Don stated as he stared at Raph. “If I guessed would you tell me if I was right?”
Raph smirked. “Sure, why the hell not?”
“But I thought you weren’t the type of guy to kiss and tell, Raph.” Don smirked back.
Raph shrugged again. “So I’m the type of guy that lies and wants ta brag ta his brother how many times I’ve gotten laid and he hasn’t. Sue me,” he grinned.
“Mikey?” Don asked curiously.
“No,” Raph scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I don’t think Mike’s even figured out that magazine I gave him a while back.”
“Casey?”
“We messed around a few times but nothin’ more than locker room stuff, really.” Raph answered easily.
“April?”
“No way,” Raph grinned. “Please, look at the girl; she’s not this desperate, Don.”
“Right,” Don nodded with a frown. “Angel then?”
“Yeah,” He smiled softly.
“What about Traximus?” He wondered.
“The big guy was my first,” Raph leaned back against the bar set up on the bench with a grin. “And damn, did he know how ta treat a guy.”
“What was it like?” Don asked.
Raph chuckled, “Really, really hot. Guy’s fuckin huge, Don, but damn does he have endurance. He spent a whole hour just getting me prepared,” he smirked, “With his tongue too.”
Don’s eyes widened at that. The image was a bit arousing. “Who else did you do it with?”
“That’s it,” Raph reassured. “Just Trax and Angel, honestly,” They continued talking to one another for a while more, simply about their experiences (Raph’s really) and their relationships. Don finally left Raph’s room to head to bed near to one in the morning. He had actually had fun just talking to Raph.
That’s when he noticed Leonardo leaving Splinter’s room. “Leo?” Don whispered, knowing that his boyfriend would hear him. Leo did and he turned around, looking at Don with a smile. “What are you doing up so late?” It was abnormal for Leo to be up so late when the entire family was tucked away safely for a night.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Leo shot back as he walked towards Don. “I was just talking to Master Splinter about something he mentioned to me last week. I’ll tell you tomorrow along with everyone else.”
“Okay,” Don nodded and leaned forward to press a kiss to Leo’s cheek. “Good night, Leo.”
“Good night, Don,” Leo smiled. “I love you,”
Don paused mid step as his heart fluttered. He turned around and his face erupted into a bright smile. “I love you too, Leo.” Leo nodded, his smile still on his face, as he headed up the stairs to his room.
Don fell asleep with a smile.
But the smile didn’t last in the morning. “But why?” He asked for the fourth time, taking in Leo’s packed gear and his shining expression.
“The Shredder is gone now, there’s no threat here. I can use this opportunity to become a better leader.” Leo announced simply. “It’s only a year, Don, it’s not like I’ll be gone forever.”
Don frowned but nodded. “I know but still, a year is a long time.”
“It’s not that long,” Leo argued softly as he hefted the small backpack behind his sheathed swords. “I shall return in a year, Sensei,” Leo bowed to Splinter who bowed back.
“You will do well on your travels, my son, I am sure of it.” He praised with a smile as he nodded his head respectfully to his eldest.
“Raph,” Leo held out his fist and Raph bumped it respectively.
“Try and learn how ta be a bit cool while yer out seein the world, ‘kay, Fearless?” Raph smirked as Leo simply rolled his eyes as a respond.
“Bye bro,” Mikey bid farewell as he enveloped Leo in a hug. Leo returned the hug with a smile. “Get me a cool t-shirt or snow globe, will you?”
Leo chuckled and mumbled a, “Take care, Mikey.” He pulled away and turned to Don. “Would you mind walking me out, Don?” Leo asked and Don nodded soundlessly as he started walking toward the exit. Leo took his hand as they walked silently through the sewer. Don frowned and squeezed Leo’s hand.
“I wish you would have told me this last night,” Don admitted as he looked at Leo, his head turning with so many worries and thoughts.
“You would have just worried.” Leo argued softly as they came to a stop under the manhole near the ocean. Leo had decided to travel by a boat first to get away then he would find other means of transportation. He nuzzled Don’s neck as he pulled him into a hug. “It’s only a year, Don. I’ll be back as soon as I’m done training. You should know that I wouldn’t want to spend time away from you unless I had to. Besides, we’ve been apart before when I went to train with the Ancient One.”
“But that wasn’t while we were dating. I mean, you didn’t even spend your last night with me.” Don frowned as he hugged Leo tighter.
“It won’t be our last night together, Donnie.” Leo argued softly.
“It was our last night together for the next year.” Don narrowed his eyes irritably.
“True, but once I get back we’ll have the rest of our lives to spend together. What’s one year compared to that? Besides, I didn’t want to put any stress on you and rush you into anything. You would have felt obligated to, well, you know.” Leo chuckled softly, a bit nervously.
“I would not have felt obligated.” Don pulled away from the hug and frowned. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long now, Leo.”
“You have?” Leo asked his eyes widened.
“Yes,” Don replied between clenched teeth as he took Leo’s hands into his own. “And I still want to. We could, maybe, do it now? Before you leave me for a year?” He suggested quickly.
“Don,” Leo frowned as he shook his head. “We’re in the middle of a sewer; that’s no place for something so special. Besides, I have a boat I need to catch. We’ll talk more about this subject when I come back. Maybe it could be a welcome home present?” He leaned forward to kiss Don but Don turned his head to the side.
“I don’t think so,” Don frowned. “I’m not sure I can wait a year for you, Leo, not if it’s only to continue waiting for something that I’m so unsure about.” He released Leo’s hands and took a step away. “I’m tired of waiting.”
“You won’t wait for me because of sex?” Leo asked, the question a pained whisper.
“It’s not just the sex, Leo.” Don sighed. “It’s, well, it’s pretty much everything or our lack of everything. We, shell, we’ve been dating for so long now and we’ve never even kissed with our mouth open yet. And I’m just so unsure about your feelings for me, Leo, I really am.”
“Are you saying that you doubt my love for you?” Leo blinked and swallowed the large lump he felt in his throat.
Don nodded and crossed his arms over his plastron, hugging himself, as he shook his head. “I don’t think I can wait for you.”
Leo licked his beak nervously. He opened his mouth but a loud boat whistle cried through the air and echoed through the sewers. “We’ll talk more when I return, Don.” Leo decided with a firm nod. “And I’ll write, I promise.” He offered a small smile and then started to climb up to the dock. He stopped before he left the sewer and turned to look at Don. “I love you, Donatello,” he stated and then surfaced, replacing the covering and disappearing from Don’s view.
“Do you really?” Don whispered to no one as he slumped against the wall and cradled his head as tears began to form.
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
“So, how have ya been holding up without Fearless?” Raph asked as Don entered into his room a week after.
“I’ve been fine, considering how we parted.” Don answered truthfully as he sat down in Raph’s hammock as Raph took his weight-lifting bench as per usual.
“Oh?” Raph smirked. “And how did you two love birds part?”
Don inhaled deeply and met Raph’s eyes. “I broke up with him.”
Raph stared at Don for a moment as his forehead creased with confusion. “I’m sorry, bro, I must’ve heard wrong. Did ya say you dumped Leo?”
“Exactly,” Don stood from the hammock and approached Raph slowly. “It was a really bad time in our relationship and he made the decision to make it worse.” Don licked his beak suggestively and smirked as he caught Raph’s eyes dart to his mouth. “I wasn’t sure of his love for me.” Don admitted and straddled Raph’s lap.
Raph jerked at the feeling of Don’s thighs against his legs and his hands went to his hips subconsciously. “What are ya doin’, Donnie?”
“I’m so sick of waiting for Leo; I want someone who won’t analyze the situation. I want a hothead for once.” Don ruined his brave façade with the shy smile he gave Raph but continued anyway. He ducked his head and planted a soft kiss to Raph’s neck.
“Wait; hold on a second, Donnie.” Raph gulped and Don pulled away to stare into Raph’s eyes. “Yer sick of being unsure about Leo’s feelings but you’ll jump right after me without even being aware of mine?”
“I’m honestly not looking for a relationship right now, Raph,” Don smiled. “Weren’t you the one who said that it was possible to get all the good stuff from a relationship without all the bad stuff like worrying about love?”
“Well,” Raph nodded a bit. “Yeah, but, Donnie--”
“That’s what I want. I’ve been on edge with Leo for sixty-three weeks and I’m honestly sick of it.” Don confessed. “I want to just throw everything away for one night and not have to worry about feelings or relationships. I just want to forget everything for a few moments. Please, Raph?”
Raph swallowed but his thumbs wormed themselves beneath Don’s belt. “You’re on the rebound, bro; it wouldn’t be right fer me ta take advantage of ya.”
“I want to be taken advantage of.” Don breathed against Raph’s neck as he planted another kiss there.
“Well, then who am I ta argue with a little bit of rashness?” Raph smirked and licked at Don’s own neck, earning a full body shudder out of the turtle in his lap. “Tell me if I’m goin’ too fast, ‘kay?”
“So far you’re not going fast enough,” Don complained and ground his lower plastron against Raph’s, causing them both to gasp out from the sensation.
“We should do this,” Raph groaned as he gripped Don’s hips and pressed back against Don, “Not on my workout bench. I don’t think it’s sturdy enough.”
“I don’t feel comfortable in your hammock.” Don admitted and pulled away, getting off of Raph’s lap to grab his wrist and yank him off the bench. “We’ll do it in my room,” he explained urgently as he dragged Raph behind him to his room.
The moment the door shut behind Raph, Don was pressed against the wall, their bodies flush against one another, and cupped Don’s face, his grip gentle. He kissed Donnie lightly on the beak and said softly, “Are you really sure about this, Don?”
Don replied by pressing his beak hard against Raph’s own then pulled away with a pant, “Oh yeah.”
In the blink of an eye, Don was being crowded over to his bunk bed. “Climb,” Raph ordered and Don did just as he was told. “I love bunk beds,” Raph commented as he pinched Don’s tail playfully. Once they were both on the bed, Raph pushed Don onto his shell and kissed him again, softly, once more. Raph coaxed his mouth open, running his tongue over Don’s lower lip, and then broke the kiss to plant kisses down Don’s throat. He tongued his collarbone and ran his hands over Don’s smooth plastron, loving the feeling and the moan he earned when he thumbed over Don’s slit.
“Raph,” Don groaned, “Stop teasing,” he begged as he wrapped his arms around Raph’s neck to pull him down for another breath-stealing kiss.
Raph smirked and licked his way down to the slit then sealed his mouth over it, sucking in earnest until his mouth was filled with Don’s cock. He churred approvingly, prompting an almost full-body shudder from Don.
Raph’s hand rose to Don’s mouth and he tapped Don lightly on the beak with his finger. Don stared, confused, at the digit for a moment until Raph traced his beak idly. Don’s tongue slivered out of his mouth and licked cautiously at the finger. Raph slurped approvingly and Don smiled and offered his mouth, opening it enough to let the finger slide in. He sucked on the finger as Raph sucked on him, only for the finger to be pulled away and then twirled around his entrance. It breeched Don and he mewled until Raph’s tongue twisted around his cock and the finger was forgotten as it prepped him.
Raph pulled away with a last, loud noise and grinned down at Don as he licked his hand then palmed his cock. “Ready?” He asked and instantly received an eager head nod. He got on top of Don, lifted his legs up, and repositioned himself. He grabbed Don, gave him a few strokes, and pushed his way in.
It hurt. It almost burned, and Raph seemed huge. Fortunately, Raph gave him time to adjust and rocked with his body, still pumping him. “Tell me when,” Raph wiggled and Don gasped, the pain lessening extremely.
“Do that again,” Don asked his voice a little tight.
“This?” Raph asked with an evil smirk, moving and hitting Don’s prostate full on. “Ya like?” Raph chuckled and pulled out to slide back in with a deep thrust. Don churred loudly and started moving with Raph, meeting his every stroke. Raph worked him as he thrust, gazing at Don intensely. The pleasure built up with each slam of Raph’s cock, Raph’s hand stroking him enhanced the pleasure, and Don soon came with a shout, his come splashing onto his plastron.
Raph continued, his thrusts increasing in pace until he came with a deep groan, his hips snapping, muscles contracting in pleasure. He braced himself on his arms above Don, catching his breath, and then pulled out, rolling over on his shell. Don was exhausted and satiated beside him.
“That was amazing,” Don sighed after he had recovered enough to talk. “How did I never do this before?”
“I don’t know,” Raph chuckled and turned his head to gaze at Don. “I can’t believe Leo could stay away from ya. Yer beautiful, Don,” he complimented.
Don blinked and looked over at Raph with a shy smile. “Thanks, Raph. Really, thank you, for so much.” Don moved and rested his head on Raph’s shoulder, wrapping around him and closing his eyes. “I’m going to fall asleep now.”
“Go fer it,” Raph smiled and slowly stroked up and down Don’s shell.
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Things, oddly enough, didn’t become awkward between Raph and Don. How could it? Don became too caught up with his job of being leader and finding some other way to make money other than robbing the punks they usually beat up. They weren’t allowed out for more than practice runs so that meant no income from druggies or would-be gang bangers. Soon enough, four months had passed since their first night together.
“I’m thinking of becoming an IT-Tech Support to earn some extra cash.” Don decided one night while he was lounging on the couch with Raph and Mikey.
“But, Don, I thought I already told you about my Cowabunga Carl idea.” Mikey frowned at his brother.
“You did, Mikey, but that might not be a constant source of money, though it is wonderful that you want to help support the family. We just need a stable source as well to ensure that we’ll always be able to afford groceries. Besides, if there are two of us working then that means you can keep a higher profit of whatever you earn for yourself.” Don commented.
“Cool, more comic books for the Mikester, the working man.” Mikey grinned proudly and stood from the couch. “I’m gonna whip up a snack.”
Don stared over at Raph. “What do you think about the job idea?”
“Good fer you two,” he stated moodily. “I don’t see the point in gettin’ a job I’m just gonna quit when Fearless gets back.”
“I understand,” Don smiled, “Besides, you are still out terrifying the city so it’s not like you aren’t doing something.”
“What are ya talking about?” Raph smirked. “Splinter told us we weren’t allowed to beat up the baddies anymore.”
“Like that would stop you and Casey,” Don chuckled. “Besides, where else could you be at night if you’re not in your room.”
“And why were you in my room chekin’ fer me at night?” Raph asked knowingly, leering at Don. “Someone a little lonely?”
“Well, it has been a few months,” Don ducked his head shyly. “And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”
“Don’t go into my room anymore,” Raph reached over, running his hand down Don’s arm in a teasing touch only to quickly draw it away again. “I’ll go ta yers, ‘kay?” Raph smiled and Don nodded just as Mikey jumped over the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a stick of butter. He sat in between them once more
“Mikey,” Don warily eyed the stick of butter. “What are you doing with that?” Instead of verbally answering his brother, Mikey grabbed a handful of popcorn, rubbed the stick over it and sucked the handful into his mouth, making Raph and Don both grimace.
Part Two
