aloneindarknes7: (Tony and Steve are so canon it hurts)
[personal profile] aloneindarknes7
Title: Getting It Out of Their Systems
Author: Jordan Herbert
Warning: Sexual tension
Pairings: Steve/Tony with hints of Bruce/Clint
Fandom: The Avengers
Rating: R
Word Count: 1,070
Disclaimer: Don’t own and the person who does would cry a little. Maybe.
Author’s Note: BECAUSE.

It had started with a joke, a side comment he had made to Natasha one day about the tension between Stark and Rogers. She had agreed with that smirk of hers which always dared Clint to do something even though it usually ended up getting him in trouble. But it was really coincidence that had put things into motion. Well, coincidence and one bad date.

The date hadn’t gone as he had planned at all because the guy had been a bigger jerk than Clint and Tony combined. He was back in the tower much earlier than he had planned to be, considering he had planned on doing the glorious walk of shame and flaunting that he had got some the next morning, when he headed to the living room. He figured he might as well catch up on some of the horrible shows Coulson used to love watching while they were lying low on a mission. Steve and Tony were arguing about something, he wasn’t too sure since he had walked in on the middle of it.

It really didn’t matter what they were arguing about most of the time anyways. Their arguments were always pretty pointless and deep down had nothing to do with the actual subjects of their chosen argument. Natasha stated that all their arguments were really over male dominance issues between the two of them. Bruce tried to make a statement about Tony’s daddy issues and the fact that Steve had been idolized by Howard. He also pointed out that Steve had a constant issue with bullies who threw around their weight anyway they could. Clint stuck with his initial theory that they needed to fuck.

Bruce and Natasha were currently stuck in the living room watching the action in front of them instead of the action on the television. They never knew if they could leave and both of their teammates would remain unharmed. Clint rolled his eyes and dug the condom he had been planning on using out of his pocket. “Seriously, you two need to just fuck and get it out of your systems already.” He threw the condom and hit Stark directly between the eyes, his aim as true as ever.

The argument died as the two stared at the item on the floor where it had fallen after smacking Stark. Rogers’ face heated as recognition struck and Stark shot him a dirty look. “Funny, Barton.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Barton left the room and decided he’d shower instead. Maybe get to bed at a decent time for once. He could possibly read one of the books that Bruce had recommended at lunch the day before.

The second time it happened, Clint had been on his way to his room when he passed the two yelling in the kitchen. Rolling his eyes, he went all the way to his room, grabbed a condom out of his drawer, and his bow which was the original reason for the trip, and went back to the kitchen. Sure enough, they were still fighting and didn’t look to be slowing down soon.

Clint aimed at Steve this time and grinned at catching the super soldier off guard enough to actually strike him. “Get it out of your systems.” He called as he continued out to Natasha waiting in the car outside to take them both to SHIELD so they could train before Coulson made them sit through meetings.

After that, Clint decided that he needed to start carrying condoms at all times just in case he stumbled upon them fighting. He needed to keep the joke going, after all.

It was pretty priceless when he pulled a condom out of his pocket during a mission debrief and flipped it into the air so it landed on the table between the two. Fury shot him a particularly nasty look. “Do I want to know why that was in your uniform?”

“I just want them to practice safe sex, sir.” Clint grinned. “You know, if they ever decide to get it out of their systems and fuck already.”

“This is getting really old really fast, Barton.” Tony glared even as he leaned away from the table and the death match he had been conducting over it.

“Hey, I could say the same thing.” Clint pointed out. Natasha nodded to his side and he even caught Bruce nod once in agreement.

He stopped keeping count of how many condoms he had thrown at them but it had been a few boxes which was just getting ridiculous. Clint was walking into the gym at the tower one night when his nightmares wouldn’t let him go back to sleep and froze in the doorway.

Steve had Tony pinned under him, both of them shirtless and rutting against one another like animals. Tony’s hands were under Steve’s pants and pulling Steve’s hips closer to his own as he murmured something before sinking his teeth into Steve’s skin.

“Tony, Tony,” Steve was panting, trying to get the man’s attention or just trying to get him to stop chewing on his neck, Clint wasn’t too sure. “Tony,” he stressed and stopped rocking against the other.

“What?” Tony stared up at him with a particular wet sound and licked the red mark on Steve’s neck before licking his lips and meeting Steve’s eyes.

“I don’t have a condom.” Steve admitted.

Clint laughed, drawing their attention immediately. He reached into his sweatpants and held up the small package. Tony held out a hand expectantly and Clint tossed it to him. “You’re welcome.” Clint turned away and started down the hall.

“Just doing what you told us to!” Tony called after him.

Shaking his head, Clint smirked and headed down to the kitchen. Maybe he’d be able to catch Bruce during his midnight snack rummage. He could make the scientist some of those apple spice muffins that he seemed to love. Clint knew that the last time he had made a batch Bruce had ended up eating eight of the dozen and smiling sheepishly at him while asking if he was planning on making more. They hadn’t had enough ingredients to make more but Clint had stopped into the grocery store the next day to pick up some more.

Before he headed down to the kitchen, Clint stopped into his room and grabbed a condom, just in case Bruce felt like getting anything out of his system.

Date: 2012-07-10 06:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Is it wrong I feel sorry for Fury in this? Good way of making them get thier shit together and avoiding Civil War.

Date: 2012-07-12 09:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm sure this isn't Fury's biggest problem, probably just the most annoying. Anything that leads to avoiding the Civil War is good in my book. Thanks for the lovely comment!

Date: 2012-07-10 06:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Go Clint! :D good thing for Tony and Steve the date failed so hard.

Also, I had to recheck the author when I saw Clint with Bruce. Whaaaa?? Lol

Date: 2012-07-12 09:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I ship Clint with Bruce and Phil. I can't decide which one I like more. Also, I ship Clint with everyone else too. He's pretty much my fandom bicycle. Actually, all the Avengers are. My favorite pairing is Everyone/Everyone. ;)

Date: 2012-07-10 08:22 am (UTC)
admiral: gwendolyn → odin sphere (『pepper potts』→ ❝ iron man ❞)
From: [personal profile] admiral
Did this happen because of the fic I linked you, because if that's the case I'm glad I did.

sjdhfsjdf Clint is definitely taking any "Cupid" comments to the next level, ahaha. ♥

Date: 2012-07-12 09:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Wait which fic are you referring to? Anyways, no, because I had this planned for a few weeks now. I just kept trying to make it longer because originally it was only, like, 700 words. So I added BruceClint elements and it grew into a lovely fic size!

Date: 2012-07-12 10:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The hatesex one, haha.

wow one day I'll remember to log out of my RP journals. one day...
Edited Date: 2012-07-12 10:07 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-07-25 03:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I was so confused as to who this was for a moment. XD

Date: 2012-07-25 03:50 am (UTC)
admiral: gwendolyn → odin sphere (『claudia auditore』→ ❝ assassin's creed ❞)
From: [personal profile] admiral
yeah, you'd think after years of RPing on LJ I would have learned to check who I'm logged in as. but. no.

Date: 2012-07-25 04:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It happens. No big deal.

Date: 2012-07-10 01:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
teehee. Sweet and funny. Love Clint playing the matchmaker.

Date: 2012-07-12 09:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you! Clint knows how to play cupid even without his bow and arrows.

Date: 2012-07-10 04:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, i have lost count of the ways in which this itty bitty fic delights me. I think Clint's intended, but thwarted Walk Of Smug began it, but him having the condom when they truly needed it was probably the capper. *Ahem* So to speak.

Cheers, and thanks for sharing this.

Date: 2012-07-12 09:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you for the lovely comment! I'm glad that there are so many elements of this fic that you enjoyed.

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